Guess who's gay

It's not what you're likely thinking, for it's not me. Instead, I'm referring to my confusion around identifying the local lesbian. I used to think that any woman who mentioned her "girlfriend" was admitting to just such a sapphic nature, but that would mean the human race is gonna die out even sooner than you could've hoped given the number of times I've heard that term of endearment uttered just today. And it's only 11:30. And all's well, by the way.

And then I think I thought all lesbians were superhot like in those instructional super-8s I recall from my formative years, but I've been assured that's certainly not the case. And I guess I also believed, and probably still do, that the whole idea was simply too far beyond the pale for such a creature to exist at all.

I guess what I'm driving at is that I'll just have to see it to believe it. Tonight's fine and tomorrow night will work. I can make myself available any night either this or next week. Or the week after.

I just love gigayachts. Take this one. Actually, don't - 'cause I want it. I don't know that I'll be able to scrape together the needed $442M by the time it comes out in 2011, but I've gotta try since no one's gonna do it for me. Or so it would seem.

That thing is more cruise ship than cabin cruiser. And it goes a whopping 24 knots. That's 28 mph to you land lubbers. And while I couldn't exactly "pop" over to the South of France at that rate, I still want one. Come to think of it, why would anyone care to actually arrive anywhere in a gigayacht? It's not like you'd ever even consider leaving the sumptuous interior and disembarking into a foreign land of overpriced Nikes and inexpensive-but-unattractive woven baskets and napkin holders.

Today being the first anniversary of the first NFL game played outside the police line surrounding the US, I'm going to celebrate by checking on how the Dolphins are doing this year. Be right back.


Well, they're 3-4, but they did just beat the Bills. And I mean to tell you that was no mean feat for them in years past. Not winning against the Bills specifically, you understand, just winning.

You probably knew all that already, but as they taught us at Juilliard, sports trivia is not trivial. And, unlike even the very shortest selection by Olivier Messiaen, you can never have too much of it.